There is usually a moment in time we can remember where we began to judge our bodies.
Mine occurred around the age of 13. I remember walking through the halls of my school. I was looking around and noticed that my clothes were baggier than other girls and I perceived my body as bigger. I want to put an emphasis on perceived. We can be comfortable with any body shape and our body image can be affected by how we perceive that shape.
When I became aware that I had a body and that it was different than other bodies around me, I did not have the reaction of “how incredibly unique I am!” I hope as a culture, we can get there one day. No, instead I had the reaction:
“I’m different. Different is bad. I need to change.”
To navigate an intense inner dialogue arising, food became an ally.
I have experienced within myself and with others how the numbing effect of food can support, for a moment, in cultivating the peace, relaxation, comfort, and calm we’re looking to feel.
We’re not often taught how to be with our emotions from a young age. Emotions can be experienced as foreign, scary, and dangerous.
Throughout middle school, I would come home and use food as a way to numb out around all the different emotions I was feeling.
The more I ate, the more uncomfortable I felt and the more uncomfortable I felt in my body the more I ate.
What Weight Watchers, or any diet, does not teach effectively is how to take care of our body long term. Yes, I did lose weight initially and I was more confused than ever about how to eat.
If all of this sounds familiar to you, you may resonate that after going on and off diets, food is warped into both your friend and your enemy in how it changes your body. And, the body has been connected to your ability to be liked, appreciated, love, respected, and worthy.
Even after I lost weight, I still felt disconnected and my emotions were still not being expressed. This is when the digestive issues started.
I was in horrible pain and experienced intense bloating after eating. The pain intensified during my first year at college as stress levels increased. When I had to leave a class early because of digestive pain, I knew something had to change.
A colonoscopy and endoscopy were completed and these procedures did not reveal anything. I was diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). All my doctor left me with was to manage my stress and notice what caused flare-ups.
Lost and confused about my next steps, I took the diagnosis of IBS as BS. I embarked on a new path.
Through exploring and experimenting with many different healing modalities, my gut began to heal and I started to experience my body as my friend and not something I needed to fight.
In healing from digestive pain, I have experienced food as medicine and that the health of our gut can be connected to the health and well being of our entire system. When our digestion is working smoothly, we’re also digesting our life experiences with more ease.
I now have a different relationship with my emotions as my allies.
I have experienced that self understanding, self acceptance, and self compassion can be transformational in meeting whatever comes our way in life with more equanimity. I’m looking forward to connecting with you to discover your unique physical and emotional satiation.